Category: Life

What Matters

“I don’t want much, fuck, I drove every car/…Some nice cooked food, some nice clean drawers” – JAY Z [Heart of the City (Ain’t No Love)]

Last week, I was two number line points away from DMX levels of aggression.

I snapped at everything and everyone. It wasn’t even possible to hide it.

I mean, you can smell an angry person even through the words they type on social media. You don’t even need a physical confrontation with them.

I was sick and stressed.

For someone who usually goes four or five years without needing to take medication, things like this grind you to a halt.

It’s a subtle reminder of our mortality.

It’s a prompt from the universe asking you to slow down and take a breather.

Things like these are the traffic lights of life. Red – Stop. Yellow – Proceed with caution. Green – Go.

If only we could learn to rest at green sometimes, and not wait till yellow, or in the worst case scenario, red.

But we are driven by a productivity obsessed culture. I’m pretty productivity obsessed as an individual.

Every time I turned on my bed, my mind would run to what I should be doing or a project I could have completed if I was working.

As much as, it is important for a man’s mental, emotional, and physical states that he does something productive with his time and life, work is not everything.

“Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?” – Ecclesiastes 1:2‭-‬3 KJV

The above Bible verse is the premise on which the first chapter of Ecclesiastes and possibly the whole book is written. And it rings true, especially in these perilous times.

Well, if everything is vanity, maybe what matters then is choosing your vanity.

There’s evidence that many ailments can be treated by just resting and slowing down. Add good sleep, food, and an exercise regimen.

But even people who are strict with their workout routines still have to rest too.

Rest is priceless.

The field of medicine, whether traditional or orthodox supports this strongly.

Many people are also one serious ailment away from poverty or total and complete financial ruin. I learnt that last week.

I also learned health and peace of mind are massively underrated.

But I had to break down before I did.

And with that, I’ve chosen my vanity.

I’m Tired

I asked her where she wanna be when 25/She turned around and looked at me and said “alive” – Kanye West (Welcome To The Jungle)

I’ve never forced myself to make a post on here.

Somehow, it always feels natural.

It’s not uncommon for me to remember a past experience or a conversation or just naturally observe something happening around, and put my thoughts to it.

I’m grateful for these opportunities.

But this week has just been too much.

Yesterday, I literally got into a fight with someone after I put up a post on Facebook commemorating Biafra Remembrance Day.

A 22-year-old 100 level student was raped and murdered while reading in a church.

A 12-year-old child was raped by 11 different men.

A 16-year-old secondary school girl was murdered by a Nigerian police officer.

A black man was killed by cops in America. Yet again.

Riots are breaking out in America.

The Anonymous – a group of hacktivists just put out some of the most sickening things I’ve read in my life.

My friend’s brother has been missing since yesterday.

I’ve been sick to my stomach all day long.

I’m here asking myself, what is really going on?

I don’t really want to write anything today because I feel broken.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being in the minority.

I’m tired of being an Igbo continually marginalized in Nigeria.

I’m tired of being a Nigerian in a world that looks at Nigerians through fraud tinted lenses.

I’m tired of being a part of a world where the police that is meant to serve and protect you will kill you just because you’re young, defenceless or black.

I’m tired of being identified as black or a person of colour in a racist world.

I’m tired of a world where women can’t move around freely without being afraid of being raped.

I’m tired of constantly wondering what it means to be a black woman.

Women are raped in churches, mosques and every single religious meeting place.

Going out every day and coming back home safe every day is underrated.

But it’s worse for a woman.

Women have to constantly be on guard or lookout even when they are at a party or club.

Instead of letting themselves have fun and enjoy, they have to be concerned about their drinks being drugged.

The fact that I’ll have to spend the rest of my life telling my baby sisters to be careful about my fellow men scares the shit out of me.

Society stays constantly pressed about what women wear and issues of decency, yet women get raped whether their bodies are covered or not.

During a robbery, a woman is scared about being robbed and getting raped.

War? Women are raped.

Riots, pogroms and religious fights? Women are raped.

Marriage? Women are raped.

Relationships? Women are raped.

Single? Women are raped.

At school? At work? At parties? At places of worship? At strip clubs?

While walking home? In their houses? At bus stops? At offices?

By their colleagues, relatives, coworkers, spouses, religious leaders, teachers, and all.

After raping them, it’s even more convenient to murder them.

I’m tired of men not actively speaking up of these issues and holding each other accountable.

Because it’s evident women are an endangered species, and it’s time we have this conversation.

Maybe the lyric above doesn’t clearly state what it means to be a woman in 2020.

But women just want to be alive, at least.

And while we let them live, can we also assure of them of the safety of their bodies and minds?

Strong Opinions Loosely Held

Show of hands, how many been taking notes? /Good, Leave everything on the table now/ On the real/This is your generation/Show, show your pain – Kendrick Lamar (Chapter Ten)

Every day, I question myself and my motives.

Why am I doing what I’m doing now?

Recently, I learned that our dreams, ambitions and motivations change just like the seasons. We hold on to some strongly, while we outgrow some others.

You don’t outgrow a dream because it has been achieved.

And outgrowing a dream doesn’t mean that dream was impossible to accomplish. Not achieving a dream isn’t a reason either.

We are just human beings, and change is the overall guiding light at our core.

At a point in time, some things do not make sense anymore, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

While like the proverbial sinking ship, you have to throw some dreams overboard so they don’t cause you to drown.

Some are for a while, and so one day, you have to walk out on water like Peter to retrieve them.

Whereas some others forever. Never to see the light of day.

Some dreams you hold on to strongly, while some others like opinions loosely.

Sacrifices: The Altar Of Creativity

“Gave you heart and soul, stories of my pain/Feel naked ’cause I laid out all my glory and my shame/Caught fire just to have niggas ignore me and my flame” – J.Cole (Jodeci Freestyle)

The life of a creative is almost always lived on a knife edge.

Maybe because creatives are supposed to be daring and adventurous.

Or maybe because creatives are required to continually push the envelope.

Or just maybe because a life of creativity is a balancing act.

A balancing act between work and family.

A balancing act between moments of sustained creative highs and terrible despicable creative lows.

A balancing act between following an assured path and bucking the trend.

Game changer and sellout.

Celebrity status and cult following.

Underground and mainstream.

Staying put and retiring.

Tapping out and holding on.

Tested and trusted and uncertain and untried.

Old school and New school.

A creative shouldn’t care about validation, yet his work has to be validated by someone it has made some sort of impression on.

The life of a creative is an altar of sacrifices, with him standing on the knife edge.

A gymnast on a balance beam. Where all elements in the routine, as well as errors are noted by the judges.

Whether he chooses to keep standing on one spot or move, he gets cut either ways.

Sacrifices

“There’s no way I can pay you back/But the plan is to show you that I understand/You’re appreciated” – Tupac (Dear Mama)

“What would you be sacrificing if we got married?“

While making a list of questions to ask her on our first date, I added this.

Don’t ask me why I had a list of questions for a date in the first place.

It’s easier for people like you to talk to women unprepared. Shy people like us have to prepare for weeks ahead of the D-Day.

But why would you even bring up marriage on a first date?

Aren’t first dates supposed to be an opportunity for you to just enjoy each other’s company?

I truly have no idea. I guess shy people are stupid sometimes.
.………………………………………………………
Yesterday, I saw an excerpt from Michelle Obama’s Becoming about motherhood and aspirations.

In her own words:


“Something had to give — and it was my aspirations and dreams. I made that concession not because he said ‘you have to quit your job,’ but it felt like, ‘I can’t do all of this so I have to tone down my aspirations, I have to dial it back.“

I felt uneasy the first time I saw it. I won’t even lie.

The idea that you might have a disagreement with your mother one day, and she’d say your existence was the reason why she never achieved all her ambitions is a bit unsettling.

I don’t know how many children will be comfortable hearing this.

But I kept thinking about it.

I kept going over it in my mind and I think she’s right.

I’ve lived by the maxim ‘Is it really sacrifices if you have to brag about it one day?’ for some time now.

Helps me whenever I start feeling entitled to someone’s time, attention or money just because of sacrifices I’ve made for them in the past.

But love is built on a foundation of sacrifices.

And the sacrifices of millions of mothers transcends financial, corporate, entrepreneurial or personal ambitions. It’s never just that.

Many women have had to stay in unfruitful, adulterous and even abusive and violent marriages for the sake of their children.

For some housewives, inadequate financial resources weren’t their only reason for staying.

Most couldn’t stomach the idea of some other woman coming in to raise their children.

Others didn’t want their children growing up in a divided household, a la broken families.

I’ve heard countless stories like this, and it’s deeply unsettling.

I don’t live in Obama’s household and so I can’t claim to understand the power dynamics or structure of their relationship.

But if there’s one thing I know, many sacrifices have to be made for ambitions to be achieved.

Any worthwhile ambition at all.

And being the wife of the President of the United States of America would have required a ton.

People have had different takes on this topic since yesterday, but whatever way you look at it, motherhood is really a bedrock of pure unadulterated sacrifices.

A litany of unpayable debts.

And if your mother had to make any sacrifices for you to get to where you are today, then fuck it! She has a right to brag about it.

After all, there’s a long list of women who’d rather die childless than go through the mental rigours of being a parent.

And it’s not because they are not good people. Everyone just has their own choices.

So, Happy Mother’s Day to every mother out there making sacrifices for their families.

In the famous words of the late Tupac Amaru Shakur, you’re appreciated!

Coping With Corona IV

“…no one can do it this long” – Kanye West ( No One remix)

Hey, I have no idea how you’ve managed to hold it down so far, but I just want to let you know that you are doing great.

It’s been crazy the times we live in.

Over the last few months our whole lives have been continually flipped in different ways, and I don’t say this to scare you but things are far from being normal.

Things will never be the same again.

We’ll just have to adapt to this brave new world and make it our new normal.

But would that be really such a bad thing?

I mean, if you think about it deeply, there are many potential benefits that would come out of this crisis.

Our mostly ignored health care system would have to be looked into.

Governance will never be the same again.

Our idea of relationships will be continually challenged.

Our educational system will have to go through something akin to seismic.

The internet? Our lives? Businesses?

The world we expected in fifty years is closer than we thought.

It’s funny how tragedy has to happen for true change to occur.

I’ve been reading a little less nowadays and seeing a lot more movies. It’s funny how it took the world grinding to a halt for me to take things easier.

I’ve been writing a lot too.

I think more than I’ve ever been.

Maybe that’s why I’m putting out a post by 11pm after working on a writing project for over a week.

I’ve always touted the idea of employing the services of a stenographer, and I would as soon as I have enough for it of course.

Writing is back-breaking work, but it’s the best form of therapy that I know.

That’s why I’m writing to tell you that no one can manage all that has been happening alone and on their own, but since we’ve got each other, we can.

Stay safe. It always gets better.

These Walls


“When a good thing goes bad, it’s not the end of the world, it’s just the end of a world.” – Drake (Doing It Wrong)

The easiest thing to put up is a wall.

It’s natural and logical. It’s purely human to put up walls after a bad experience.
Whether these experiences are direct or not.

A concerned parent repeatedly warns a kid not to play with fire so they don’t get burnt.
If they chose to listen, they don’t get burnt. If they don’t, they get burnt, but the result is they will never look at fire the same way again.

The same thing happens if they see someone getting burned.

It is seared into their memory forever.

These things change who we are.

It’s easier to have a different orientation about walls like the first child. But the second child has a battle to face throughout their lives.

They never want to get burnt again ever again.

Every single one of us is the second child.

In different instances, we’ve gone from putting up walls to protect ourselves to putting up walls that block the light from entering into our lives.

Instead of protecting and shielding ourselves, we end up closing ourselves from the world.

From others.

From many with bad intentions, yeah.

But also from many with pure intentions too.

It’s a stuff of irony.

A wall goes from protecting you to locking you in.

Of course, experience is a good teacher.

But experience also comes with trauma.

And it’s a good thing until the light of love and adventure is fizzled out of your life.

You go from living life with the enthusiasm of a child to the pessimism of an adult.

It’s hard feeling this way.

But it’s harder knowing you could feel differently if only you let yourself to.

If only you could let someone else to…

lf only…

Coping With Corona III

“You’re the change, you’re the hope, you’re the miracle/You’re all the strength you need in times unbearable” – MI (Epic)

Everything happening in the world right now feels so alien.

We’ve never had to experience such perilous times in all our combined lifetimes. It’s so novel. And we all know what comes with novelty.

Uncertainty. Resistance. Forced adjustment. Adaptation.

It’s even harder we have to experience this as a community but on individual fronts.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.

Recently, I have too.

But the greatest power of human beings is our ability to draw strength from a deep well within ourselves.

We mostly have no idea what we’re capable of until we’re pushed to the limit.

I felt it in my spirit to send out a beacon of love to you all. To tell you it’s okay, and it always gets better.

No matter how weak you feel, you’re all the strength you need. Even in unbearable times.

We’re here for all of us.

Ebonyi Versus Everybody

“fuck all that “Happy to be” here shit that y’all want me on” – Drake (Tuscan Leather)

Maybe when we are done with apologizing to Northerners for calling them ‘aboki‘ we’ll also apologize to Ebonyi people.

For every time they were used as a synonym for ignorance, backwardness, illiteracy, social awkwardness and suffer head.

For every time you said “na so Abakaliki people dey do” or “no-mind am, Abakaliki people no dey get sense.”

For every time someone was scolded and they were called ‘Abakalili person‘ or ‘onye Abakaliki‘ or ‘Ndi Abakaliki‘ or ‘Wawa‘ or ‘Nwa Aba‘

I’ve had people say things to me like “you don’t sound like ‘them’ or “you’re not like Ebonyi people” or “you no dey behave like them.”

And these same people expect me to feel privileged because according to them I’m different and not like ‘them’?

Who the fuck is ‘them’?

How are Ebonyi people like?

Andy Chukwu
ChaCha Eke
Priscilla Eleje
Sinach
Uche Azikiwe
Patoranking
Ogbonnaya Onu
Chris Abani
Angela Okorie
Tekno
Akanu Ibiam

These are all Ebonyi people.

And if you open your mouth to say they are anomalies or outliers, well…fuck you.

I’ve had friends and classmates say things like “You’re the smartest Ebonyi person I know” or “I know only two smart Ebonyi people, you and…”
Then they go off and rattle some other person’s name.

Or the ones that would say “you know sey Ebonyi people no soji” 🤦‍♀️

Let’s not talk about the ones that told my mother that her only problem is she’s from Ebonyi. Like, what the hell???

I remember one time this Ebonyi girl told me “you don’t look like us.”

I cringe whenever I think about. I cry sometimes.

Driving through Lagos traffic every day and seeing Ebonyi kids my age or older racing through traffic and putting their lives in danger trying to make ends meet constantly reminds me of how privileged I am.

Reminds me of where I’m coming from and how much we are going through as a people.

A people plagued with economic hardship, extreme poverty, underutilized resources, stereotypes, lack of infrastructure, lack of access to education, black tax and ethnic barriers.

Some of you have no idea what money, exposure and a little guidance could do for one person, talk more of an entire community. Be grateful for what you have.

The only reason I have a degree today is because an Ebonyi man paid my fees.

Maybe it’s a chip on my shoulder, but don’t ever praise my intellect in one sentence and degrade Ebonyi people with the next sentence. If you do, I’ll say fuck you to your face.

Because it’s evident you’re painfully obtuse.

It’s even shameful you think I’m brilliant when you haven’t even met my sisters.

And if you are one of those girls I dated that told me I was lying when I said I’m from Ebonyi, fuck you too.

Christ has risen. Wash your hands. Stay safe. Happy Easter.

And by the way, from now on its #EbonyiVersusEverybody

Coping With Corona II

“...scared of the future, while I hopped in a DeLorean/scared to face the world” – Kanye West ( Good Morning)

Knock! Knock!! Knock!!!

Hey guys! How have you been coping with the forced lockdown worldwide?

I hope good though. Isolation is a crazy thing.

Been really good out here.

I mean, it’s funny and ironic how people all over the world are being forced to stay indoors. Lots of people complaining about adapting. While I’m here thinking, this is exactly how I’ve been living my life since God knows when.😭 Lol.

What’s your routine being like?

I’ve been mostly reading, working out, eating, sleeping and jumping on Twitter to laugh my heart out. A little writing here and there too.

People have become increasingly creative. And it’s being some serious fun. Somehow, the human mind always finds a way to cope.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately too. The mind has a way of drifting off in these uncertain times.

I know I should focus on surviving and getting through this period, but what happens if this goes on longer than anticipated?

Of course, somewhere along the way, we’ll defeat this. The truth is, the world as we’ve known it will never be the same again.

Most of the traditional models of work, play and relationships between people and between countries that we’ve become used to would change.

Cultures would shift dynamically.

This has always happened and it shouldn’t scare you. That is how man has constantly changed the world he lives in.

There’s a lot on my mind and time won’t permit me to share them all within the confines of this post.

So, hopefully, we’d talk about them in subsequent posts.

Have faith and be strong. It’s going to be a brave new world out there. I hope you get your mind ready for it.

Selah.